December 2009


Remember when only an M.D. could say, “I’m ordering you an EKG”? Now you can order one anytime you like — for your Facebook friends. Though you might want to consider our elegant three-icon gift pack of EKG, MRI and CT scan “wrapped” with an IV-tube bow. The holidays don’t get any classier than that.

As medical director of Health4UHamlet, premier provider of virtual gifts of health care, I’m telling you there’s no health care option more affordable than our budget-friendly one-dollar icons representing medical procedures.

You can stretch your shopping dollars and cover your friends’ health care needs — or as we at Health4UHamlet like to think of it, kill two birds with one gallstone surgery icon.

Our sophisticated virtual inventory tracking system assures that no one on your list will have to come crawling for that knee-replacement icon. They’re stocked 24/7 in our virtual vault. That’s the one with the sign on the door that says “It’s not brain surgery.” (A little virtual gift of health care industry humor.)

Whatever your friends’ health care needs or conditions, we’ve got them covered. Aneurysms. Cataracts. Broken bones. Colonoscopies. Hysterectomies. Deviated septums. Psychiatric evaluations.

We even have a wide selection of organs for transplant and you know how hard they can be to find this time of year. We’ll deliver your virtual gift of health care icon with a tasteful message such as “Karen Just Sent You a Kidney!” Don’t get me going on how nice that kidney icon looks. Seriously, it will MAKE a friend’s virtual gift stash this holiday season.

I bring up the kidney only because it’s one of our more popular virtual gifts of health care, although endoscopies are running a close second this week. Appies are also big. That’s appendectomies for those of you not in the virtual gifts of health care field or who don’t watch “Grey’s Anatomy.” Which reminds me, did I mention all of our gift icons are in anatomically correct colors?

Anatomical correctness is important to us here at Health4UHamlet, which is why we have thoughtfully provided a “Really, You Shouldn’t Have” button that your recipients can click to tell you where to put the gift. Like I said, thoughtful.

We take pride in the meticulously evocative design of all our icons. You’ll never look at one of those I-heart icons the same way again after you see ours with paddles crossed in front for a cardiac jumpstart.

Incidentally, we’ve completely redesigned the icon for hand surgery after complaints it was flashing gang signs. (Thanks again, Bloods, Crips, 18th Streeters. Appreciate the heads-up on our gaffe.)

Did I mention the bonus gifts? At absolutely no extra cost to you, with each order of a virtual gift of health care, you’ll receive a bonus gift to send someone. We dole out these freebies like there was no tomorrow, which is pretty much the case if you choose a bonus gift from The Morgue Collection. It’s a step up from those annoying Facebook “pokes” used to get someone’s attention. I say nothing gets someone’s attention like telling him he’s getting an autopsy.

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, we were offering virtual gifts of dental health care, but selling them was like pulling teeth.

As medical director of Health4UHamlet, I’m confident you won’t find a better deal for affordable health care online or off. Trust me, I’ve looked. We don’t have much of a health plan, either.

Health and happiness 4U!

© Kathe Stanton

kathestanton.wordpress.com

kathe.stanton@gmail.com

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Outside Hemingway's house in Key West

These are some of the photos from the My Wife With Great Writers series by Chris Stanton, my husband. It started with the Hemingway house photos in Key West. Normal people might have stopped after posing at the sign outside the property.

Making Ernie's bed

But we make no pretense of normal behavior. Next thing I knew, Chris was saying “Pretend you’re making Ernie’s bed.”

Leaving Sinclair Lewis

Sinclair Lewis always wanted out of Sauk Centre, Minnesota. So Chris handed me a bag to hold as I came down the front steps of Lewis’ boyhood home, ready to head off to “Main Street” a few blocks away. Visiting the home, the author Pearl S. Buck wondered, “Why should that fiery, honest, impatient spirit have come from such a house…?”

More photos in this series, for another time!

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Disclosure: I spent two hours “shopping” WordPress blog themes, trying them on in the Preview dressing room, rejecting those that made my name look fat, felt constricting or didn’t seem like they would wear well.

Then I fell in love with “Connections” by Patricia Muller, vanillamist.com

Loved the name, the green, the evocation of the mysterious, almost primal thrill of travel through a tunnel. But mostly it was the eyeglasses (well, they look like eyeglasses to me) that suggest Dr. T.J. Eckleburg’s billboard in “The Great Gatsby.”  Done deal. I’m a big Fitzgerald fan. Some day I may post a photo my husband took of me clinging like a shameless groupie to the statue of Fitzgerald in downtown St. Paul. It’s part of a strange, ongoing photographic series titled My Wife With Great Writers. Other highlights of his collection include me making Hemingway’s bed in Key West and me set to make a getaway, bag in hand, from Sinclair Lewis’ house in Sauk Centre, Minnesota. Sorry, I don’t know you well enough to explain that yet.

Already I can tell this blog will become an undisciplined mix of musings, free of Twitter’s “140 or bust,” less professionally focused than my “PR Camp with Kathe Stanton” podcasts or the pickings at kathestanton.com

Onward, beneath the spectacles of Dr. T.J.!

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